Making introductions

Setting: An imaginary high-ceiling living room. You are a cocktail party guest of a sparkling, tasteful, power-wielding set of hosts who will receive all manner of illuminati to the very room, the very cocktail party, which you are now attending in this magnificent home. And along side you a business associate stands only moments away from needing an introduction to practically every high-ranking shiny-shoe in your line of work and their spouses or partners. Imaginary- you certainly has polished manners and knows how to make introductions! One less thing to worry about.

Imaginary-you knows well as each new group approaches for a small but engaging chat, that there are rules to remember, there are correct steps to the dance of introductions:

Imaginary-you never forgets for a moment that an introduction is a presentation of one person to another. Though rarely does one hear the phrase, "May I present..." that is nonetheless what this scenario is and unless in a very informal environment, one should still present with a title and first and last names, it helps people to sort things out. While some of this may seem old gender rules, call it whatever you want, it will help you cover all the bases without making a misstep.

1. Ladies are always introduced to gentlemen first:
"Mrs./ Ms./ Dr. Alicia Jones, may I introduce Dr. Michael Bradley."

2. In the same gender, a younger person is always presented to an older person first, even if they are separated by only a few years.
"Ms. Alicia Jones - Mrs. Mimi Lyons"
"Master Douglas Fairchild - Mr. Evan Cullen."
"Doctor Tim Jones - Doctor Daniel Evans."

3. Junior officers are always presented to senior officers:
"Lt. John Winter - Commander Mark Heath."

4. Etiquette guides will say that a woman need not rise from her seat when introduced to a man but that the man must rise for a woman. But this is not correct any longer. When you are introduced to another human being, stand. unless physically prevented. Courtesy always prevails.

5. It is always sharp to mention anything the two introduct-ees may have in common or will help them to begin conversing:
"Alicia is my colleague at Baine, from the M&A group."
"Tim is a tremendous tennis player."
"Bob is just back from Hong Kong as well."
"Lee is a Duke alum also."

Happy introducing.

Red Wine: Friend and Foe

Please join me at Blushing Hostess Homekeeping for a lively discussion: Red Wine: Friend and Foe.

Bread and Butter

Bread and butter. That mysterious little plate and tiny knife to the left of your place setting is a bread plate and butter knife. Oh! You knew that, of course. But to use them correctly there is a good long nuisance of a ballet. And there is the never-ending confusion regarding how to accept bread from a server, how to serve it at home, and then as if all that weren't enough strategery (did you like that?), you need to be clear on how to correctly consume it once it finally makes its way to your plate. Lets clear up this mystifying matter of the dining table.

Firstly, some things you may not know about the unsuspecting bit players in your dinner:

1. When setting a table, the bread plate should be placed to the upper left of the charger or dinner plate.

2. The butter knife should be placed horizontally across the top of the plate, knife end closest the dinner plate, blade pointing downwards towards the guest.

3. Occasionally there will be no bread plate. This was formerly correct in the United States and in some parts of the world still is: If you are offered bread and have no plate to your left, the etiqutte of formal dinner was, according to Amy Vanderbilt, to "place a hard dinner roll on or in the napkin."

Moving on, It might be best we rethink this napkin plan straight away, because it is messy and regardless of what she says, never eat directly from the tablecloth.

If you are having a dinner at home, these are some options and your choice is dependent on your service's infrastructure and your willingness to deal with one more set of plates:

1. Set the table with bread plate and butter knife. It does not really matter any longer that your center and butter plates match: find something neutral or complimentary to the table. This is my prefernece.

2. Do not use butter plates and allow the guests to use their center plates for the bread. Now, here is the daring part: The guests either have to use their dinner knife for the butter or you will need to find some other (aka outside the guidelines of mannerliness as documented at a planetary level thus far) method of setting the table to give them a butter knife. You could line it up in use order, perhaps.

3. Do not serve bread. (Heavens! A moment of insanity just gripped me.) Serve yorkshire pudding and call it genius.

4. Or, you sneaky little peach, wait until the main course is on the table to place
the baskets on the table or have them brought around. Everyone will place it on their dinner plates and move on with their lives.

If you are in a restaurant, the following applies:

1. If a server approaches with a basket of multiple types of rolls, you will point to one (and only one). The server will place the bread on your bread plate with tongs.

2. If the bread is served from a community basket on the table, select only one and move it to your bread plate.

Butter, whether you are serving it at home or eating it in a restaurant requires
the following attention:

1. Generally, one suculpted or sliced piece of good butter is placed on a small service plate at the center of the table (Four people at dinner equals four 1 tablespoon size pats of butter on the service plate).

2. Remove one pat of butter and place it on your bread plate. Do not butter your bread pieces from the community plate.

3. If the butter is served in a small bowl or egg cup, use your butter knife to remove only as much as you will need to eat your roll and place it on your bread plate. Butter your bread from your portion. Once again, do not butter your bread from the service plate, only from your own bread plate.

Now you have solved the service problem but the issue is only half addressed. Did you think eating bread properly was easy? Let me set you straight: Apparently it is not. The task of getting bread on to butter and into your jaw is perhaps the most challenging of all dining skills to master but once understood makes the process of consuming bread much easier, faster, and neater.

To correctly consume a large slice of bread, a roll, or any other baked good normally served on a bread plate, you will break the bread with your hands, one small bite-sized piece at a time, butter and/or salt it as you wish, put the butter knife down and consume it, one piece at a time.

Please do not break it up into twelve tiny pieces. Please do not butter three pieces in advance. And whatever you do, do not butter an entire piece of bread or roll and eat it whole. People will begin staring and while that is not good manners, it is clearly a free-for-all now, no?

Table manners for tots... and etiquette tots

I know what you're thinking, I should not have to say this. You and I think alike.

But a moment of utter frustration in a restaurant not long ago has once again dropped me off here at the bus station marked, "Teaching children manners to prevent the creation of more ill-mannered adults." You and I are going on little ride. Not because you need it but because reminding ourselves never hurts, and gently prodding others along will prevent them from looking like clods. I think of you and I as a public service of sorts: Increasing respect and mannerliness.

Amy Vanderbilt is kind enough to recount the most valuable first lessons of table etiquette for me as my daughter arrives at her first birthday this month and comes of an age to begin learning guiding table manners. This is nothing too advanced you understand, just the broadest of strokes to get a person by in polite company. These surface-scratching wisdom's however, would have prevented a gentleman (a loosely accurate descriptive) sitting near us in a very swank restaurant from making a negative statement about himself, his respect for the establishment, and (ever-so-important) ruining the tablecloth before him.

I have identified the offending problems in parens:

- Wash your hands before coming to the table (I hope so.).
- Present yourself neatly (Nope, soiled golf shirt, I take issue with the "soiled" part only as this is within the dress guidelines for the establishment.).
- Leave toys, books, and pets behind (Check.)
- Place your napkin in your lap when you take your seat (It remained on the tabletop throughout his meal).
- Sit straight up and do not slouch (well, you could tap everyone for that at times, so let's amend this to: Try to remember to sit up straight.).
- Use manners to ask for dishes to be passed, ie, begin with "please" and end with "thank you" (not applicable to this scenario).
- Do not eat until everyone is served (Nope.).
- Used flatware from the outside in (Used his dinner fork for three courses insisting on hanging on to it on his butter plate, ugh.).
- In American dining, do not place your elbows on the table (He was okay here.).
- Never chew or speak with food in your mouth (Check. And check. Ick.)
- Do not bang utensils on the table (He managed to restrain himself.)
- Your portion of butter is to be removed from the serving plate or bowl with your butter knife and placed on your butter plate (Could not very well spend my whole meal peeking at this person, I will give him the benefit of my suspicions and say he complied.)
- Knives are used for cutting food. A knife is not an eating utensil (He passes!)
- The American method of correct placement of utensils on a plate when you are finished with your meal is as follows: Both the knife and fork are to be placed on the right hand side of your plate: Knife blade facing left or in, and fork tines down. This will indicate to the server you are finished and your plate should promptly be removed (Here is where the most egregious and noticeable issue occurred: The man placed his utensils hanging from the side of the plate. The fork tines on the plate edge and the base of the fork resting on the tablecloth. The knife blade on the plate edge next to the fork, and the base of the knife on the tablecloth. See below.)

I have provided some photos of a basic placesetting. Nothing to confuse the issue here: No soup spoons or fish forks, and the four service glasses are not there either. But keep this in mind as you note how very crowded a piece of real estate at a table could be once dirty utensils on the cloth are added to the mix. Correct placement of utensils at the conclusion of the meal, knife and fork on the right side of the plate, fork tines down, knife facing in:

Grossly incorrect placement, utensils leaning on the tablecloth:


You can guess what happened. He inadvertently went to pick up his wine glass and knocked the utensils from the side of his plate and soiled utensils met the tablecloth. In a private home, this will mean an endless and usually fruitless task for the hostess trying to remove a red wine reduction from her Mother's Irish linen tablecloth. Inconsiderate and unacceptable.

Secondly and perhaps most importantly the first rule of food service is to serve from the left and take from the right. Turning your knife blade in prevents the blade from making contact with a servers hand. To my mind it is as crucial as handing a scissor to another person by the handles. It is a polite and safe habit.

When it comes to dining utensils, one rule of thumb should prevail: Utensils should only be placed on a table (with or without a tablecloth) when they are clean. In other words, when the first table is set. Do not attempt to "clean" your utensils by wiping a knife blade against your fork or spoon, this is also poor manners. Simply place your utensils on your plate as I have advised and spare the hostess or proprietor the agony of watching another quality piece of pristine linen begin it's journey to Unfortunate Rag status.