The international incident

"... you're not going to believe this."

"Tell me."

"One of the guests put her finger in the dressing to taste it."

"Wait. Whaaaaat? In the actual dressing bowl or was it on her plate? The one on the buffet?"

"Yes. The buffet. And it had a serving spoon."

"What did you do?"

"I said, 'Really? Reaaaallly?' What else can you do?"

"Not sure. Did she like it?"

"I suppose so. She ate it, didn't she?"

And that is what was said between a colleague and I after an event hosted for a group of international visitors recently.

Once this happens, you would rightly pitch the whole dressing bowl and begin again because, frankly, eeeeeeewwwwwwwww: That about covers our collective thoughts.

The trouble in this instance however, was that it was an off-site catered event and there was no replacing the entire untouched bowl of dressing. The caterer was already gone. This woman was at the head of the buffet line, and all the guests behind her witnessed this lunch hour treachery in horror.

Now, one could do any number of things after swooning and being revived (and then once again remembering what happened and naturally passing flat out a second time - but anyway assuming you do, at some point, recover). I have thought of some options, maybe you have some thoughts too?

A. Pick up the spoon and stir up the fingertip germs and bacteria. When you are finished squeal with delight, "Yummmmm, delish!"

B. Using the serving spoon as a sword, you engage the perpetrator in a duel, landing her in her seat safely away from the buffet and presumably preventing her from "testing" any of the other dishes she encounters, all the while growling, "Back! Get back! Away!."

C. You pick up the dressing bowl walk it over to the trash and instruct your assistant to go decant some olive oil and vinegar ASAP.

D. Throwing the dressing to the floor while awash in elephant tears and wailing, "You... you, animal. You've ruined it! My lunch! My life! You filthy, filthy beast!" While waiting for the ambulance to arrive and administer oxygen which you will refuse as you dramatically flee the building with tissues clutched in both fists, you fling as many insults in as many languages as you can manage and advise her she will be hearing from your lawyer and to expect some papers arriving to her cave shortly.

Just loose thoughts of course...