Thursday, January 29, 2009

Dear Mr. Cuomo


Memo

To: Andrew Cuomo, Attorney General, Great State of New York
From: The Blushing Hostess
Date: February 4, 2009
Re: A Semi-Homemade White House

Sir. With all due respect, I am concerned. Scratch that. I am wildly preoccupied and feel I need to point out how very unwise this Sandra Lee, Miss Semi-Homemade thing could be for you if the news reports are correct, and you intend to run for Governor of this fine Empire State and/or President of these United States.

First, let me be clear that I would have no objection to your holding these offices. On the contrary, I would follow you into battle with only my Meissen as a shield...

But really. Sandra Lee? Never mind the "breast augmentation" gone wrong (swing low, sweet chariot)...

But may I say - yuck, yuck. And trying to forget about her involvement with married Food Network exec Gordon Elliot. Not to mention that unfortunate ickiness with her ex-husband, the CEO of KB Homes. And the fact that she seems to discard one for another as quickly as her ambition has gained all it can from each. Even though you don't need a girl like that after your Kerry Kennedy heartache. Even though you're a better man than people like that. Forget all that. Sure. Never happened.


Oh! And forget all the photos totally not becoming of a First Lady of the state and nation of my birth: If this is the kind of girl you would pick out, I don't think I am comfortable with your judgement, which could send my Husband to war again. No, I am not willing to take that chance. I really think you need to rethink this thing: Heart be damned! You've got to think of your image!

Here is the part I really cannot stomach, not for you, not for me: A Semi-Homemade Governor's residence. A SEMI-HOMEMADE WHITE HOUSE? While I laughed for a good five minutes picturing Sandra Lee and Carla Bruni reading the scented glossies in the private residence and creating "tablescapes" from Michael's and the local aquarium gift shop while the state-chili dinner simmered away in the National Crock Pot and the staff bartender shook up a bunch of refreshing and phallic Bananas Foster Cocktails a la United States of America:


I can not help but imagine what the dining room table will look like on really important occasions, like the Fourth of July.
Always best to remember how the flag is correctly and most respectfully displayed we would not want this unfortunate snafu in the White House:


For the sake of the household, the country, the impression we leave with other nations, I beg of you to consider what you're doing man! I cannot, in good conscience, support you in this.

9 comments:

~Tessa~Scoffs said...

oh this was good.

An Aesthete's Lament said...

I was drinking sherry when I read this. And, yes, it did go up my nose. Swing low, sweet chariot, indeed.

teaorwine said...

I believe Mr. Cuomo has been "courting" this woman for some time now. The photo of Ms. Lee donning the tiara brings back visions of the wedding of Judi and Rudy. Chuckle. Chuckle.

Cindy said...

Yikes, Sandra Lee????

Whoa.

BTW, I just love your blog. And your blogroll has lot of the kinds of places I like to visit.

So ... thanks!

Cindy
http://gherkinstomatoes.com

Martha said...

All I can say, is "oh, no"!!!!

northsidefour said...

Semi Sandra, wholly awful. Wonderful post! But then, I live in the glass house of IL, home of the Blago. Oh dear.

Sharon Crute said...

I could never quite figure why "her" figure looked, um, strange. Duh, thanks for the obvious heads "up".

Leslie Ann said...

Ew. I can't stand her. Plus, I own that DVF dress she is wearing on the cover of Redbook. :(

Shelly Beson said...

Remember her curtain "invention"?? Just imagine how she would decorate the oval office. Scrunched valences uugh!!!