Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A list of things I will never do

Here is a list of things I have seen around and on other entertaining blogs which never occurred to me to do, possibly because they are so not swell. This is a working list of commandments to be added to, altered, and addendum-ized at will and willfully. Feel free to subsribe to any and all or not to ivite The Hostess when engaging in these practices for fear she may use her out-loud voice in expressing horror and agony:

The Blushing Hostess Commandments
a Blushing work in progress

1. Thou shalt not serve food from the table out of the cooking pot.
2. Thou shalt not serve food with a wooden or silicone spoon.
3. Thou shalt not set a table with paper cocktail napkins under the fork, or paper anywhere else for that matter.
4. Thou shalt not forget to RSVP promptly and appear reliably.
5. Thou shalt not use six different types sizes, fonts, or colors on invitations, or for that matter, on your blog.
6. Thou shalt not use random twigs and yard waste for centerpieces or (highly questionable) decor which looks like random trees and yard waste (stylized cool stuff is still acceptable, however).
7. Thou shall not use vinyl, printed, flannel backed tablecloths for any reason, even tarps and drop cloths.
8. Thou shalt not disrespect musical instruments and their fragility by using pianos as buffet tables or bars (Lordy! Did that really need saying?)
9. Thou shalt iron table linens and not assume the de-wrinkle cycle works just as well.
10. Thou shalt not serve anything to guests with the word "sloppy" in the name.
11. Thou shalt not stop a dinner party between the meal and dessert or cheese to do all the dinner dishes and clean the kitchen and under no circumstances are the napkins to be cleared before the final course (s) are served.

Oh. My head aches so. I need to lie down.

5 comments:

An Aesthete's Lament said...

Amen!

Pigtown-Design said...

Amen, sister!

My sister used paper napkins at Thanksgiving (I said I would bring linen, but nooooooo) and one of them caught on fire. Another good reason to use linen.

An Aesthete's Lament said...

Dear BH, What are you feelings on the natural creases in tablecloths, ie the ones left behind from being folded. In my experience I have tended to prefer PERFECTLY ironed tablecloths, without a single crease. Yet in period photographs of grand restaurants and even grander houses, the grid of creases is right there for every pearl-bedecked guest to see.

An Aesthete's Lament said...

"your feelings"

Blushing hostess said...

Hullo AL,
I am a tad complusive. I iron my linens myself then hang them carefully and never pack them into the closet too closely. This leaves very little for creases but if I find them, I will spray and iron them again.

When I worked 16 hours a day, I did not have this time, I ordered them to come hanging and lightly starched and had to leave what I found.

Compulsive or not, I prefer to see creases over linens which have not been ironed at all. And I do see this - all over these days. There are so many things my get-it-right heart will never get over, and most, like this, are considered barely perceptible and unimportant these days. It is a disappointing landscape for one such as I most days. I make jokes to cloak the pain.

I must note how remarkably observant you are. This is truly a gift.

Please be well and visit me often,
Yours,
The Hostess